Day 7 – It’s been one week since the “intervention”

After 8 long years, I am now in the first week of my new “relationship” with my daughter.  I have spent the last 11 years trying to manage the never ending issues with my daughter.  It started with little lies at the age of 10.  At the time, they were inconsequential.    If I knew then….., but of course I didn’t.  From all accounts, no one ever does.    I didn’t know then that it was only the beginning.  She followed the lies with the cutting and the first round of counselors and therapists.  Only to be followed by the first IOP.  Is it me or do any other parents like me hate the fact that I know what IOP, PHP, residential care, out patient care means?.  And sadly the list, which represents the attempts, never ends.  There is always another brilliant idea I have to save her.  Always another $100  $1000 $5000 that somehow will “fix” her – make her want to get better – make her want to live.     It’s been 8 years since the first Intensive Outpatient Program.  I think we all know, if she had decided she really wanted to live, I would be here…..trying to explain myself – trying to somehow make peace with the guilt, the pain, the sadness and pain in my heart that just never leaves.  I wake up to it, I walk around with it and I say goodnight to it, every day, every week, every year.  I hope this blog is going to help me start to live.  I hope this blog will somehow make both of us better.